(SPOILERS FOR "THE END OF TIME PART 1" BUT NOT REAL SPOILERS FOR PART 2)

I have never in my life wanted something to happen on a teevee show as much as I want this to happen.

Ahahahahaha oh my god, I'm still laughing.


PS: I am going back to work tomorrow, so I will stop posting nonsense three times a day, I promise.

Hey, internet. How is your Sunday? Mine is okay. I am not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. Not that I am ever looking forward to going there. Oh well.

***

First off, let it be said that sometimes I feel like krabapple and I are the catty old ladies sitting in the back corner table of fandom, chain-smoking and bitching about everything around us. Except without the chain-smoking, because we both have shitty lungs.

Secondly, HEY harmonyangel, I GOT YOUR CARD OMG. The best part about Jen's card was that there was a dalek button inside of it! I pinned it to my coat, right my seasonably festive lapel pin. (It is Jack Skellington holding a holly wreath with evil light up eyes. IT IS SEASONABLY FESTIVE TO ME, OKAY? To quote Crow T. Robot, "Hey, you keep Christmas in your way, let me keep it in mine, okay?") IT IS WONDERFUL, JEN! ♥ ♥ ♥

Thirdly, my friend Lauren got me this AWESOME DINOSAUR ORNAMENT! It is currently hanging out with this AWESOME CUPCAKE ORNAMENT that my aunt got me. Clearly the way to my heart is dinosaurs and/or cupcakes.

Because, fourthly, my work secret santa got me an AWESOME collection of chocolate chips, cupcake papers, and decorating sugars, all in a bag that lit up and sang. Clearly they either new me (which narrows it down) or knew who to ask about me (which... unnarrows it down because everyone knows I work in kids'.).

***

Recs! Right!

My yuletide gift was Rescuing ET with Harry Potter! It is a True Meaning of Smekday fic and it is BRILLIANT. Tip and J.Lo watch a UFO fall to Earth and J.Lo decides that they have to save the alien piloting it. Like most things that Tip and J.Lo attempt, this does not entirely go according to plan. It was ADORABLE, guys. It was everything I wanted out of Smekday fic and I'm so super excited that's what I got. The Tip and J.Lo voices are perfect and there are all these little references to Boovish culture that made me grin. The alien in question is AWESOME and hilarious and the entire story made me feel warm and fuzzy. If you're at all familiar with Smekday, you should definitely read it!


I also got a tiny yuletide Madness gift. It is an In Plain Sight Christmas ficlet and it is awesome like an awesome thing. It's called The Shirt and it is Mary and Marshall just... being Mary and Marshall. The Marshall voice is so, so perfect that I am utterly stunned. He is a hard dude to get right, guys, and the author totally nails him. It made me miss the show SO MUCH and I can't wait for it to come back ♥


solsticezero posted my mistletw fic early! And This Song of Mine is an adorable, bittersweet, kickass story about Gwen and Ianto Christmas shopping. It is everything that you could ever want in a Gwen and Ianto Christmas shopping fic, guys! They hold hands! Ianto helps Gwen pick out pots! Gwen accidentally says something she regrets! Ianto tells little white lies! It is just full of amazingness, internet! I need to strong-arm people into writing Gwen and Ianto more often! ♥ ♥ ♥

***

Did I mention I don't want to go back to work tomorrow? Because I really don't.

***

Some final crap:

• My only thoughts on DW are thus: Frigging bring on Eleven and Moffat, guys. Seriously. I don't know if I even want to watch the New Years' episode.
  
  
• I have no plans for New Years. If any of you locals want to come by my place, I think I have off on New Years' Day (I have to check), so we can, you know, drink and watch Andy Coop or Twilight Zone or something. Likewise, if any of you locals are doing anything low-key, let me know. NJ only. I love my New York friends, but I do NOT love driving home from the city in the middle of the night, when everyone is drunk.
  
  
• So many ridiculous quotes from spending last night with Boy Child and RJ while I was writing. I will, perhaps, LJ them at one point.
  
  
• Can I justify taking a nap right now? I think the answer is yes.

Happy Sunday-After-Atheist-Children-Get-Presents-Day! I wrote fic! Apparently!

Title: Forty-Eight Hour Stand-down
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Jack, Gwen, canon pairings
Rating: PG
Length: ~2500
Summary: "You and Ianto had a domestic," Gwen guesses. Jack scowls at her. In which Jack is kicked out, Gwen just wants a night off, Rhys buys milk, and Ianto clears table space.

Notes: So, after I finished Yuletide, I sat down and wrote 3k words of Jack fic. I KNOW. Then I hated it and threw the middle out. Then I sat down and rewrote it all last night. With huge thanks to solsticezero for betaing, entertaining me on Twitter last night, and assuring me that this is actually a story. YOU ARE AWESOME.


( Gwen and Rhys are halfway through their second bottle of wine when she hears a knock on the door. )

I have eaten
the plums

Every time I watch a vid that uses footage from CoE, I get way too distracted by Barrowman's atrocious fake tan to pay attention to the narrative thread of the vid.


Huh. I guess a "BARROWMAN!!" would actually be appropriate here.

Adding to the crazy amount of Yuletide recs on my flist (there were so many that when I came across a post on fatshionista where someone said that they had bought their tights on eBay, I thought that eBay was a Yuletide fandom... it's early okay).... here are a few of mine!

( Whip It, Lilo & Stitch, Some Like It Hot, iCarly )

Hunger Games, Matilda, Baby-Sitter's Club, Drake & Josh, Little Women, and Greek next :)

I had a great Christmas. My new Snuggie and I are bffs and I finally have a camera so I can take a picture of my new, short hair and some of our trip in--oh my goodness--ELEVEN days. :D How were yours?

Merry Christmas, Happy Atheist Children Get Presents Day, and Happy Friday/Saturday, internet!

This has been a low-key Christmas at House of pocky_slash. All of us were hella behind and Christmas snuck up on us. I told my parents I didn't want anything, Brendan didn't give anyone a Christmas list until, like, a week and a half ago, and we've all been busy. Our tree wasn't even decorated until yesterday. It still doesn't feel like Christmas to me.

Yesterday was pretty bad. Today has been slightly better, aided by A Muppet Christmas Carol, which my dad put on right before I woke up because he knows how much I love it (and probably wanted to make up for the instances of sobbing with my head between my knees yesterday). I do love it, guys.

( Entitled bitching about gift-giving ahoy! )

***

Sorry about that, internet. Didn't mean to ruin your holiday cheer. I am going to ruin it more in a moment! I am awesome like that!

DEAR YULETIDE WRITER(S),

I am sure that whatever gift(s) you wrote me is/are awesome, but, due to AO3 robustness (didn't they switch to AO3 so this wouldn't happen?), I am STILL, twelve hours later, unable to read any of them. I'M SORRY. I will read them as soon as I can, which might not be until tomorrow at this point.

But don't fret! It's not that I don't like it, it's just that I can't get to it. I was super excited to see that it's Smekday fic, and I bet it'll be awesome, based on that alone! ♥

(I already know what fandom my is because of an AO3 bug that revealed it to me as soon as I signed up for the archive with my username. I know a lot of you are AO3 fans, but I am not super-enthusiastic about it after it has been trying very hard to cock-up my yuletide in every way possible this year.)

***

So, I will spend today writing more Hairdressers AU, I think. Right now, Jack is strong-arming Ianto into going through Rose's old things to find a particular Christmas decoration, Will is attempting to sekritly decorate his flat while Sam is at work, Gwen is trying to plan a party, and Toby is taking out his frustrations on Hanukkah cupcakes.

Sarah Jane is going to make an appearance! It is going to be very sappy and full of holiday cheer when it reaches its conclusion, because someone ought to be.

I have discovered the secret to making today suck less. It is in two parts:

Part One: Beer.

Part Two: Hairdressers AU.

***

FIRST CHRISTMAS IN CARDIFF
A Hairdressers-Bakery-Christmas-Whatever-Extravaganza of Sorts, in which Sam is homesick, Ianto declares war on gift-giving, Toby embraces the cupcake, Gwen meddles adorably, Jack unknowingly thwarts, and Will disastrously attempts The Best Christmas Ever.

(As with all Hairdressers/Bakery AU posts, this is unbetaed and largely, you know, random crap that is totally self-indulgent and NOT REAL FIC. This is a shitty impostor of a real fic, guys.)

PART ONE*: Will Begins to Plot


Gwen is hanging holly by the reception area when Will taps on the door of the salon. She turns quickly and flashes him a smile that grows when she sees the bakery box in his hands. She rushes to open the door.

"Will!" she says. "Good morning, sweetheart!"

( Jack is distracting Ianto with nudity )

***

* PART ONE is not actually an indicator that I will finish this with other parts. Also, this is basically an amalgamation of every cheesy Christmas plot ever. I STOLE A WHOLE PLOTLINE FROM GARFIELD'S CHRISTMAS SPECIAL, OKAY?

***

Merry Christmas, I guess.

So, I have to be at The Bookstore at 8am. It is now 12:30. I could be in bed. Instead, I am LJing.

No, I don't know what's wrong with me, either.

***

Oh my gosh, internet, I have gained so many new LJ friends in the past few weeks. I'm gonna be honest, it's a little crazypants, especially because I am hella boring. (Oh, this is a note to myself to remind me to seek out some of you guys on Twitter tomorrow, when I am not crazy from sleep deprivation + Bookstore.)

Anyway, as a little update for all you ~*new people*~ (and to put the rest of this entry in something resembling context), I am the Children's Department Overlord at The Bookstore. (I have a liberal arts degree. In a shitty economy, this is what we liberal arts degree people DO.) It's really not very different than being a Children's Department Minion at The Bookstore, except, in theory, I can order people around. In actuality, I do pretty much everything myself. It is more efficient that way, okay? I know where everything goes, mostly off the top of my head.

So, whatever, it is the day before Christmas, so let's talk about some books that I have read lately. One that is AWESOME and one that is HILARIOUSLY BAD.

First, the awesome one:
The Brixton Brothers #1: The Case of the Case of Mistaken Identity
By Mac Barnett with illustrations by Adam Rex

Guys, when I heard that Mac Barnett was writing a Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew/et cetera parody and that Adam Rex was illustrating it, I pretty much decided that there was no way it could live up to my RIDICULOUSLY HIGH EXPECTATIONS.

( AND THEN IT DID )


And now, the super shitty book:
The Christmas Sweater
by Glenn Beck

Okay, first of all, I know you're all saying, "Why did you even bother to read Glenn Beck's stupid book?"

I'll tell you why, internet. It's because we had eight million copies of it and it was selling like mad and I needed to know why.

I still don't know why, dudes.

The book starts with our protagonist, whose name I didn't even bother to remember, wishing that he'll get the shiny red bike he wants so very badly for Christmas. His grandfather, who looks and dresses suspiciously like Santa Claus (a fact that is pointed out in the text), comes in and tells him that the BEST gift he could get for Christmas is a Christmas sweater. The kid asks why, and GrandSanta says that a Christmas sweater is full of memories while a bike is just, you know, useful.

Kid goes to sleep and promptly dreams of finding a Christmas sweater and putting it on. While in the Christmas sweater, he has a wonderful time sledding with Dad, baking with Mom, and delivering toys in Grandpa's sleigh? Even though it's previously established that Grandpa ISN'T Santa, he just looks like him? IDEK, to be honest, I wasn't paying much attention at that point.

He wakes up and goes downstairs where his family is waiting for him to start Christmas. There's a shiny red bike in front of the tree! Kid just stares at it. His dad assures him it's real and it's his, but Kid doesn't care. Then, Mom presents him with his Christmas sweater, and he FINALLY understands the love and meaning of Christmas. Or something.

Because, remember guys, it is much better to have an ugly sweater you can only wear--at most--for three weeks out of the year than it is to have a bike, which is really useful and can be played with all year and for years to come.

All I can figure is that Glenn Beck was trying to capitalize on the shitty economy. "People can buy my $17 book to show their kids that presents don't matter, it's all about COMPANIONSHIP and ugly sweaters!"

***

So, apparently, in my baking-induced stupor last night (I made three batches of cookies, one batch of cupcakes, frosting from scratch, hot chocolate on a stick, and... something else that I have already forgotten.), I started an LJ entry with the subject "I hate James Patterson."

Here is the reasoning. It is a Tale From The Bookstore.
Minion L: I was looking for you!
Kait: I was here.
Minion L: I asked Coworker D where you were and she said, "The last I saw her, she was wandering away from receiving muttering something about James Patterson."
Kait: Oh god. Fuck James Patterson. We got like, eighty copies of that fucking Witch and Wizard book.
Minion L: I heard! Because then I went into receiving and saw all the books left on the cart and asked ReceivingManger if you left them there on purpose. And he said, "Yeah, she was muttering something about how much she hates James Patterson and the shelf being full."
Kait: I fucking hate James Patterson.
Minion L: Yeah, I got that. You know, everyone is going to think you're crazy.
Kait: Everyone already knows I'm crazy, Minion L.

Although, I hold that it is not at all crazy to hate motherfucking James Patterson.

***

Okay, bed time for Kaity. Tomorrow I need to finish my Christmas shopping, wrap, WRITE, and decorate the tree. (HAHAHA WE STILL HAVEN'T DONE THAT WE FAIL AT CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR.)

Also, work from 8-4. Fuck me.

Hey, internet! Did you miss me? I didn't miss you, only because I was never really gone, just working my way through tabs and hyperventialating over getting things written. AWESOME.

Um, for some reason I guess I thought I'd be less busy today. That is clearly a hilarious lie, as I still have to buy Christmas presents for my entire family, bake cookies, finish my secret santa gift for work, put together packages for my friends (Um, everyone except solsticezero and krabapple should expect their things sometime in January), and write the two stories I wanted to have written by Christmas.

Ha ha ha ha! I hate my life! :D

***

Recs and stuff

Remember in my last post when I was making flaily gestures about the card I got from solsticezero? Well, now you, too, through the ~*magic*~ of the internet, can see just one part of what made it so awesome.

The Holly and the Ivy by solsticezero - Gwen+Ianto gen + G

FOR ME. GWEN+IANTO BFF FIC FOR ME! That is the best kind of fic, internet. Ianto and Gwen investigate a downed craft on Christmas. Gwen steals Ianto's coat! They hold hands! It is titled after one of my favorite Christmas carols! You should go read it!


Okay, also, scroll down to the very last ficlet on this post here. I found it surfing Delicious last night while I was avoiding writing yuletide. Esentially, Donna Noble and Donna Moss switch places. Yes, that's right, it's a Doctor Who/TWW crossover. Donna (Noble) works with Josh for a week! Donna (Moss) travels with the Doctor! And I won't give away the twist at the end, but it made my heart nearly explode with love ♥


Vaguely going with the "rec" theme, but not really, there are still three days to suggest prompts for mistletw. I am kind of pushing this because so far I am the only one who has submitted the kind of prompt I want to read and if one of you guys submit another one, I will totes pick it up.


I thought I had another rec? But all my tabs are now closed. So if I did have one, I guess I lost it. Whoops!

***

Funny stories that happened this weekend while I was not internetting

I would type some of these (we lost one of the cordless phones! a little girl in Panera followed me around calling me "frog"! it snowed a lot! the Bookstore closed early! we have no food in the house!), but I got about three hours of sleep last night and I am EXHAUSTED.

***

Funny stories that are still happening

So, right, the entire internet knows that Tennant was on Nevermind the Buzzcocks and did the Barrowman fist shakey thing. What you probably DON'T know is that muttering "BARROWMAN!!" and shaking my fist is practically my default position. I was in RAPTURE, guys.

mcwonthelottery, metonymy and I are still attaching a fist shake and "BARROWMAN!!" to basically everything we say on Twitter. Because we are assholes AWESOME.

(I still laugh every time, guys. IT IS STILL FUNNY EVERY TIME.)

***

Bizarre things that just happened to me, what the fuck

I basically sat down, ate my dinner, and pounded out a couple thousand words of fic. About Jack.

I know, right?!

Except, the fic totally isn't about Jack! It's about Ianto! Who isn't actually in it! Jack's talking to Gwen about Ianto! And it's super bizarre and I guess this just proves that I can't write about a relationship between two characters on this show AND have both characters appear in the story at the same time. They just talk a lot to Gwen, apparently.


I do not know if I'm going to do anything with it, yet. It kind of... retreads some of the ground of Club Wales II: I'll Finish It Sometimes This Decade Because The Decade Doesn't End For Another Year You Idiots, which is sort of about Gwen and Ianto solving crime, but mostly about Ianto's fear of commitment.

***

Anyway. That happened. I SHOULD be working on my secret santa gift, but instead I am going to pass out in my bed, like a good little Bookstore employee who has to be there at 8am D: D: D:

So I managed to make it home before the Epic Blizzard of '09 shut down all east coast transportation, which was the first airline-related good luck I've had since... oh, ever. I've pretty much just been sleeping, snuggling with the puppy, and cooking since I got home, so life has been kind of uneventful. I'm watching a lot of bad movies, which is simultaneously awesome and terrible for me. Maybe I'll try to actually accomplish something fic-wise soon. (Wing!fic! Christmas!Tim/Becky! That pesky mail order bride Kradam I've been poking at since July! The thing where Jared and Jensen are biology professors! I'm going to finish SOMETHING, eventually.)

For people who like to cook, I made this pasta tonight. It's crazy easy, aside from cutting up the squash, and not super expensive, since squash is in season this time of year. It was a big hit. (So were these, although I have to say, making a chicken pot pie instead of chicken pocket pies would probably have been a whole lot easier. The crust came out deliciously, though. I added thyme and sage instead of dill; ymmv.)

And, uh. Apparently this is going around? Whatever! I feel like I should totally be able to enjoy some ridiculous memes post-finals. Maybe Jared Padalecki has been secretly waiting for this prime opportunity to confess how much he wants to marry me. You never know.

ANON CRUSH MEME

I had this horrible realization after Events In This Week's FNL that I actually kind of ship Tim/Becky. (And I really want to pretend that I ship them when they're both like thirty and Becky is wildly successful and Tim owns a bunch of cows and they meet again in a supermarket and it is TRUE LOVE*, except that would be a lie. I ship them the second she is no longer jailbait. There is only like a three year age difference! THAT IS TOTALLY REASONABLE.)

Also, the girl whom I called campus security on to get her to the hospital because she had alcohol poisoning and who puked all over my hall's bathroom is totally on my flight. The awkward, it is palpable.

* Um, I may have considered writing this one, though.

A quick note to say, oh my GOD, solsticezero, I got home today and found your CARD which can't even properly be called a "card" because that doesn't completely convey the pure AWESOME of the object I am holding in my hands (well, okay, it's sitting next to me. I can't hold it and type.) This is possibly the greatest Christmas correspondence I have ever received. Honestly, you are a fucking rock star! YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME! I AM SO TOUCHED! AND FILLED WITH GLEE! :D :D :D

Oh my god, guys, you don't even know. This is the most awesome thing EVER. I KEEP LOOKING AT IT! IT KEEPS GETTING MORE AWESOME! :D :D :D

So, thank you! Oh my god, SO MANY THANK YOUS. THIS MAKES MY CRAPPY FRIENDSHIP BRACELET LOOK REALLY SHITTY, BEE TEE DUBS ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

***

Overflowing gratitude aside, I am taking a mini-LJ hiatus for most of the weekend. I have to finish yuletide and work is destroying my soul even more than it normally does. I know I am hella behind on comments, and it's not because I am not appreciating them, but rather because I sit down at my keyboard and forget how words work.

So, I will be back in a somewhat coherent form (ahahahahaHA. Well, as coherent as I ever am.) late Monday evening, when I get off of work. BE GOOD WITHOUT ME, INTERNET.

When you see this on your friendslist, quote Leo McGarry

CJ: Is there anything I can say other than "The President rode his bicycle into a tree?"
Leo: He hopes never to do it again.
CJ: Seriously, they're laughing pretty hard.
Leo: He rode his bicycle into a tree, CJ. What do you want me to – "The president, while riding a bicycle on his vacation in Jackson Hole, came to a sudden arboreal stop." What do you want from me?


Bartlet: Donna wants me to call Karen Cahill and make it clear she wasn't hitting on her when she gave her her underwear.
Leo: Yeah, that's because I made fun of her shoes and Sam said there were nuclear weapons in Kyrgyzstan and Donna went to clear up the mix up and accidentally left her underwear.
Bartlet: There can't possibly be nuclear weapons in Kyrgyzstan.
Leo: Mr. President, please don't wade hip deep into this story.


Leo: The President was at the debate site, walking the stage. A podium is a holy place for him. He makes it his own like it's an extension of his body. You ever see a pitcher work the mound so the dirt does exactly what his feet want it to do? That's the President. He sees it as a genuine opportunity to change minds - also his best way of contributing to the team. He likes teams..... I love him so much.


I can't believe how long it's been, guys. I still remember finding out. It's weird.

***

In other TWW related news, chaila43 has posted an amazing TWW vid. It's over here, and it took me a moment to sync up with the vid, intellectually, but once I was there I was torn between crying with love for these people I adore so much and cheering for them as they fight the good fight. My show, guys. My show!

***

RIFFTRAX LIVE WAS TONIGHT!

Oh, internet, I wish I could go again tomorrow! I feel like I missed so many things when I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe.

First off, oh my god, Bill Corbett has slowly been becoming my favorite of the RiffTrax crew, but tonight sealed the deal when he walked on stage wearing Tom Baker's scarf. I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING, INTERNET! It was the most adorable thing I've ever seen in my life. REMEMBER THAT TIME I MET BILL CORBETT? And I was superawkward? Oh man!

Also, the shorts were hilarious! (Well, okay, the "SPORTS" one was kind of boring, but all the others were hilarious!) I will be singing the three magic pork words for the rest of my life.

The theatre was less crowded this time BY FAR. When quatredeathlady and I went in August, the place was utterly packed. Same when I went to the "encore" in October. This was, however, a different theatre and I don't believe they aired either of the last two performances, so that might account for at least some of it. The people who were there had a great time, though!

SO HERE IS MY RECOMMENDATION, INTERNET: If you are free tomorrow night at 8pm and have $12 to spare, go see RiffTrax LIVE: Christmas Shorts-stravaganza! YOU WILL TOTALLY NOT REGRET IT.



eta: AHAHAAHAHAHA I just remembered the part of the Rudolph short where Santa came into Rudolph's bedroom and said, "Rudolph, I need you tonight!" and the audience started laughing so hard and for so long that the guys missed three additional riffs. AHAAHAHAHA AND THEN THE SHOT OF SANTA'S ASS AND RUDOLPH WALKING TOWARDS IT!

Coworker: ::tugs in a non-sexual harass-y way at the third pocket on Kait's waistcoat:: Oh, look at that!
Kait: I know, right? One of my jackets has that too.
Coworker: It's for a pocket watch. Do you have a pocket watch? It would look very high class.
Kait: No, I mostly just use it to hold quarters.
Coworker: I guess I shouldn't expect high class from someone wearing a hat that looks like a frog.


Other Coworker: I can't believe you [and your freakish ability to know the exact location of a book off the top of your head] sometimes.
Kait: Hey, everyone has to be good at something, and it's number one on a very short list for me, followed closely by thinking about time travel and eating cookies.
Other Coworker: I don't think eating cookies counts as something you can be good at.
Kait: Well, thanks a lot for shortening the list, [Coworker]!


***

RIFFTRAX LIVE IS TONIGHT. I am rather excited. Even if I am going on my own. IT WILL BE AWESOME ANYWAY.

Okay, dudes. I am taking an oatmeal bath. While in the bath, I am doing Twitter fic.

Normally, this is a Twitter-only event, but since I am home, I can offer it to my flist as well!

Direct message me on Twitter with a prompt + character/pairing and I will write you 140 characters of fic. IT MUST BE A DIRECT MESSAGE. I get DMs on my phone, but not @replies.

Anyway, have fun?